"you got me in quicksand."

I'm losing it. I obviously don't make you happy. No matter how hard I try. It even seems like you've had your eyes and mind somewhere else...

"Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away this time..."

I'm 17....what am I supposed to do with life? act a little more mature? or do what my friends are doing?... I speak about wanting to be an individual so would doing what my friends do be a bit hypocritical? It doesnt change who I am. But if I act more a little more mature would I be doing that cause I was told to do that?... because its what people expect from me?.... I try so hard to make everyone happy....but it doesnt seem to be working... I know i cant make everyone happy but im trying to I just cant seem to let go of my teenage life....probably cause I never had that great of a childhood....... Maybe i'm not the only one but it still wasnt amazing.... I guess I just want to live it up like theres no tomorrow.....cause im still a kid for awhile.....im still highschool boy for another year.....im just trying to have a good time with my life........it doesnt seem to work...I spoke to a therapist.......says I show signs of depression......is everything going on just too much to handle for me? I believe im in control of everything....but at the same time....i'm so lost........its like I zone out of my own thoughts and daydream forever......and when I snap back into reality......everything is just right there in front of me.....I go ones way......it doesnt work out...I try another...same thing..... maybe im not in control......or maybe im losing control....maybe im slowly drifting away.....I'm so afraid to blink.....cause what if I miss something and I fall apart.......maybe I do need some type of help.....before I lose myself..