"Hello world hope you're listening..."

Do you ever feel alone in such hard times? It sometimes seems as if theres no one around at times you need people the most. But everyone has problems in the world, with families, friends, relationships, money, and the list goes on. There are billions and billions of people in the world how is it that one living creature in this world of billions of beings feels alone? Why do we choose to keep to ourselves? And why is it that when one person feels they need to talk to their friends or people they hang out with about problems in their life we aren't always willing to listen and find it annoying how this one person always talks about their life being fucked up? Do we act out because we feel our life is the most fucked up thing in this world? Do we act out because we feel alone? Do we act out because no one wants to listen? I mean whats the point of having billions and billions of people on this world with us if we just ignore other peoples problems and focus on our own? Why are there only some willing to help? What is love if we cant even show it to the billion others we share the world with? Is it real? If it is then where is it? Why do we only find it in others? Cant love be more than just something we find in another person we believe is "the one" and the person we would want to spend our lives with? We all deal with problems differently. I honestly don't like opening up and I choose to run from my problems. I mean space away from all the problems is a good way to calm down but eventually we have to face it again...and this circle keeps going around run away...cool off....and deal with it again.... where the hell does it end? The only things that can make me happy are the memories i've shared with people.... I really dont know how to deal with life and I just keep looking forward to the time I can move out and live on my own....but wont I just be stuck with more and more problems and feeling even more alone? Maybe people we come across in our lives are there to help us get through those lonely times......maybe fate isn't just what happens after making a choice? Maybe fate is there in order to help times we are so alone..... My grandma always had theories about the stars.....that it was our seperation from real life....and the greater beings...Maybe they were just bed time stories she liked to tell me to get my imagination going....but I took all her words to heart. That they are just waiting for us to seek help, each and every star is looking out everyone in the world....thats why there are too many to count.. that each star is responsible for one individual in the world....and when we look to the exact one designated for us.......and ask for something we really desire.... it will some how come to us and help us if we really need it.... maybe it was just her way of getting me to pray? But when I think about all that she told me....it's all true in some way... we are all looking for happiness.....but we just dont know how to find it.... maybe we just need to help each other? Maybe happiness is all around us...maybe we just are trying to find the happiness we were all told to want and seek. Success, being wealthy, and having everything we can buy. Maybe we all run into problems because we all seek that... Maybe true happiness is not found by giving up all we love to become rich. Maybe happiness is what we find in each other and love is what we seek. Love is what we should share around, Love is what heals and helps us find happiness..

"are you afraid of being alone..."

Are memories there to help us move forward or to keep us from moving forward. Cause when you think about memories you think about good times in the past that you'll never forget, that you never want to forget. Sometimes they get you to really think on great times that you want back, and sometimes we do anything to get those times back. We bring ourselves to the point where we think nothing now is better than those times just hoping that we can have that fun, that great time again. I began thinking about my old neighborhood, old friends, memories, and just everything there. I was blessed to be surrounded by such great people who helped me become....me. They helped me grow up and become a better person. They helped me express myself and not be afraid too. But why do we have memories? I mean thinking about all those times everything was soo layed back and stress free, we did what we wanted and it didnt matter. We always had something to do to pass the time, and if we didnt we found something to do, like trying to catch turtles and frogs at queen e, going biking down steep hills at dangerous speeds for a kid, and just stupid stuff kids do all the time and none of it mattered. I think we have amazing memories as a kid to cope with the stress of the real world, of real life, of real people. My closest friends have all moved to different parts of vancouver and we are all seperated. It makes me think everyday that I was never really alone, cause they were always there, nights I couldnt sleep we would just chill on my porch till it got sunny or even just walk around for awhile trying to find some crazy stuff. Memories last forever and I believe that people in those memories, events that took place in the memories, will never fade and will always be there too. Memories bring everyone back together so maybe they do more than just help us with stressful times they keep people together. I've begun to find aspects of life that are so simple to be far more complex than they appear...maybe thats how they're supposed to be, or maybe i'm just looking at it too closely. Everyday is a gift and we are all free to open and unravel to find the true mystery inside each day.

"I've been here before a few times.."

I just began to think about the saying "If you love someone you let them go" Wtf is up with that? I mean I get it, but its already hard as it is to let someone you love go. And you let them go in order for them to find happiness right? But in the end that kinda sucks for you....sitting there seeing them happy.........without you......,excuse me if I sound kinda selfish, but that sucks so bad. But then you realize that maybe they werent the best for you, so maybe it doesnt suck as bad.... but then theres all these different other sayings about life being what you make it, and leaving things up to fate. If shit happens it happens....I've begun to live life that way....let life happen the way its supposed to be, and leaving it up to fate, but fate is what will end up happening after you choose to do something. And now a days theres all this talk about "the secret" it's the laws of attraction, "keep your eyes on the prize" basically if you want something and you stay focused on it, you will achieve it one day. These are all different ways I live my life and having said all that I've realized that these are all different insights people have given to others to be successful in life, but in life everything is different with each individual some things work some things don't. So how do I really live my life? There are people that believe in living life the way you want to...but if everyone did that....there would be some corrupt people in the world. So i'm stuck at the point where I don't know how to deal with life, or where to go, and I don't think someone else can tell me how to deal with it cause their life isnt my own...... so am I really making mistakes.... or am i just falling out of this image of how I'm expected to be cause of years and years of people trying to be what we know as "good" So am I just expressing my individuality or am I really just making mistakes.... and if we're not all perfect...then how can someone else tell me I'm making mistakes.....When I just want to be an individual.... not a follower or a machine that does everything exactly the way they are told..... If I do that...then whats the true meaning of life if everyone in the next generations to come just live by this image. Where does that leave us? How do we all advance if we all try to live life exactly the same....

"(I wanna know) You'll believe and me and keep away your pride"

Sitting in an A.I. studio and it's pretty cool. Meeting up with some old friends
and remembering all that happened before, that was fun while it was there. My teeth hurt cause I had just come from the dentist when I left to head over here, so I'm in sooooo much pain! I'm hoping I don't get home too late I have an opening shift which starts at 5 a.m! meaning I have to wake up at 4 something to be able to be at work on time. Sometimes I never think about taking shifts when someone calls me to switch with them, which is usually opening shifts, and I say yes not thinking it through. I feel so stupid sometimes for doing that. I really need to start thinking about what I get myself into. My teeth are in so much pain, which somehow reminds me of the movie teeth. Gross, weird, nasty is all that comes to my head when I think of that movie. ANYWAYS I've been listening a lot to The Foreign Exchange. I think they have an amazing sound and have some pretty awesome compilation of words, or in other words some pretty awesome lyrics. Anywhoos time to get back to sitting in pain and chillin in the studio. Oh and I have twitter........I guess I do follow crowds, or just blink 182. So stoked for their new album btw!......